Grace Expressing Itself As Critical Feedback

I love working together in teams. I look to nature for inspiration on how it could be done harmoniously, how each part can play it’s role, adjusting when needed, always staying in peace.

Often an important part of my role involves receiving critical comments on my  work. When I look at this from an expanded point of view I can see this situation as life itself providing me with tips on how to grow. This view evokes an excited, engaged, optimistic response in me. However if I narrow my focus I might be mistaken in thinking that my team mates don’t like me and I might get upset creating a very stressful situation for all concerned.

I have a plan that I implement whenever I am in this type of situation. I’ve learned to use this wonderful feedback situation to draw attention to weak areas in myself and my way of working, and to invite critical comments. In this way I can consciously enter into the process and make the most of it.

With some of the feedback I can shift my inner stance in the moment, often because I had wrestled with the same point long before this session. So the feedback feels like a little nudge, small fine tuning in my approach. I can adopt it very readily.

Some feedback is harder to grasp in the moment, and these are usually when light is shed on a blind spot. I can recognize these cases readily as they cause stress in me. I sometimes start defending my actions, fooling myself into thinking that if I could explain myself properly the others would come to my side. This attitude brings contraction in me and sometimes could cause polarizing of the group as other members join in the attitude of defending.

A much more productive approach is to focus my attention to listen carefully to what is being said, to observe my reactions, even my resistance, to gather as much information as possible in the situation, seeing all information like vital clues to help me to improve.. Then to take some time to gear myself up before examining the situation. I find that when blind spots come to light, I feel some shock and sometimes aversion to accepting that this has been going on inside me. If I’m not careful I can go into  self-reproach which can lead to feelings of depression.

I give myself time to become ready to take a close look at this challenging new information. My readying process involves engaging in nourishing activities that bring me into the strongest possible place inside.  This might be exercising, spending time with nature, listening to music or meditating. At some point I can feel the prompt inside to look  at the feedback I got. I don’t expect myself to fully understand the feedback or to be able to make all the changes needed in a very short time. I see it as a long-term project with many layers that will reveal themselves with time and as I grow in wisdom.

I start slowly by looking for a very small simple step that I could take in the short-term. The successful completion of this step creates some energy for me to take a bigger step and so the road starts to open up for me to really make progress on my path. I start to feel optimistic about dealing with this feedback. There is a growing momentum that helps me to tackle tougher areas.

It is in the very nature of learning that I will have some missteps. I’m expecting them. They will tell me how to refine my process. It doesn’t mean I’m falling behind. I take a wider view and I give myself a lot of encouragement so that I can recognize the lessons that I’m getting. I see myself as a co-creator  in my evolution.

Then there will come a time when I will take a rest from the issue. Life itself seems to conspire with me to allow this break. The issue doesn’t appear in my relationships. I don’t misinterpret this signal to mean that the issue is totally cleared up. I have made some progress and it is a good thing to shift my attention to other areas. It is like taking a vacation in between semesters when we were at school. Because we’re on vacation it doesn’t mean we’ve completed our study, we’re just on a break.

After a time the issue will rise again so that I can continue to the next stage where I can take bigger steps. It’s like starting a new semester, moving on to new levels of learning, new curriculum. There are several stages in the process just like kindergarten, primary school, high school and university. You see I take a wider view of my learning process.

For my plan to work well I move constantly to and fro from a narrow focus to a more expanded view. This plan is very versatile. I use it not only when I receive critical feedback from people, but also when I am challenged, because I view that as my world giving me feedback. It helps me grapple with new ideas, concepts, new ways of thinking. It helps me to manage my emotional reactions. Ultimately it takes me to a more interesting place inside myself,  a place where I can better enjoy life. I see critical feedback as grace from the universe, as a helping hand in my evolution.

I hope you too find the narrowing and the expanding of the focus brings you new approaches in your growth process.

 

Two Attitudes To “I Don’t Know”

I’ve been exploring consciousness expansion practices with the key element of remaining open to all possibilities. I set out with the intention of finding out what observing from an open space would be like. A natural progression was wondering what happens when the observing takes place in a closed space.
There were a number of situations that occurred these past few days where I had to make a decision or take some action and I didn’t know what to do and from what I can see they fell into two categories. I’ll give you an example of each.
When I am creating a new workshop or writing teaching materials I often don’t have a starting point. There is stress as I look for inspiration to get started. As the deadline for submission draws near, the stress builds up. But deep inside me I feel that some idea will come and I keep looking. Indeed once the inspiration starts to flow I can hardly type fast enough to capture all the ideas. It feels like I’m carried by a wave as the creative process unfolds. When I look back at materials that came out of this type of experience I still find the materials interesting, they stand the test of time. So I ask myself how could I transfer this experience/ process to when I’m working with challenging patterns of behavior in myself. Because this must be what observing from an open space must be like.
On the other hand when I observe myself and encounter unhelpful emotions or patterns of behavior then sometimes I get very upset with what I see. I can get swept up in negative feelings. I start to feel powerless. I know in the moment that I’m feeling contracted but I find it difficult to change and until this practice of observing process I didn’t have a clue as to how to move forward. I now realize that my attitude is closed. I’m observing from a closed space. In this scenario when I realize I don’t know what to do I see it as an end point. Whereas when I’m writing and I don’t know what to do next I see it as a starting point and that the inspiration will come. This was like a thunderbolt to me; I have two radically different attitudes when I feel “I don’t know”. One attitude leads to new discoveries and the other attitude lands me mired in misery. Can you see the difference in the two “I don’t knows”?
The next step was to try to apply a change in process when feeling contracted by seeing unpleasant patterns of behavior in myself. How could this be the starting instead of the end point? I could focus my attention on the information and tools that I already have about making changes. I could pay attention to the role models around me and draw motivation from them. I could pray for support while keeping alert so that I recognize the help when it comes. There are so many things I can do. I can see how this approach would open up the space.
I have to keep at this longer to see where it will take me. Hope this all makes sense to you. Let me know what you think.

Beginning To Figure Out How I Observe

 

 

 

 

 

A big part of my spiritual journey has been observing what is happening with me. I’ve focused a lot on what I observe in my inner space. So for example I can now see the types of thoughts I create in my mind and the emotions they generate. Of course I have been very interested in managing my mental and emotional creations.

 

I can also observe the vast space behind the thoughts and emotions, exploring the inner silence that is a constant companion.

 

In other words I’ve become more familiar with what is in my inner space. In a way it’s like entering a room and becoming familiar with what is in the room. I’ve enjoyed playing in that room, moving the “furniture” around and creating a pleasing environment. The furniture is like the events in my inner space.

I can say I have developed more confidence in my ability to observe myself. That is an important mile stone, “I can observe!”

 

 

 

 

Now I want to turn my attention to how I observe. What process do I use in observing? What are different ways of observing? What types of options are there? What is the effect of the different ways of observing? Are there more constructive ways of observing? Hmmm very interesting don’t you think? I shall report back on what I have discovered . In the mean time feel free to share your process of observing.

Note the marvelous mindmap created by Paul Foreman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have I Taken Control Of My Day Or Is My Day Controlling Me?

How quickly time is passing by! We are well into the new year. I have to reflect on what’s been happening to see if I am spending my time in a way that is congruent with my larger vision for myself.

So far today have I taken control of my day or did I allow it to control me? Or was there a mixture of both; sometimes I was in charge and sometimes it controlled me? When and in what situations did I allow the day to control me? Was I controlled by the feelings of the body, or the triggers that come from other people, or energies from around me? How did I feel when things around controlled me? What was the feeling when I was in charge of what was happening?

Did I go with the flow of things and was I still in control? Was I keeping aware and changing when I thought it is not going where I want it to go? Did I manage my thoughts and emotions and align myself to what was happening around me in such a way that I felt more harmony?

Today my intention is to uplift my Self, Self inside and Self outside, to recognize the very same Source inside of me is looking at me through another, to come to the awareness that this is my Self in another person, “those eyes are looking from the same space that is inside of me”.

I seek to understand my Higher Self in everybody else. I want to understand that, I want to feel that, I want to know that Higher Self, to see my Higher Self in everything!

I want to recognize the energy working within me, and within others, feel peace within me, and recognize peace within others. The more I can feel that Higher Self inside of me, the more I will see it in others. It is by knowing Self that I begin to know my world.

I will keep a check on that ego part of me that is looking to be satisfied with the little things – a little fight here, a little pleasure there, the need for recognition here, not wanting to serve there, the need to protect personal property, the desire not to give but to hoard. All these are ego plays that serve no purpose. There is so much to learn, there is so much to know and there is so much to experience in every day! Today I am going to keep myself on track.

 

A Meditation On Drinking Water

 

 

I had a lot of private feedback about the last blog post on Diet As Spiritual Practice in addition to the marvelous comments posted here. It seems like that post hit a chord. Some of you were asking about how I learned to become so in tune with my body. You said that you don’t pick up the signals of the body the way I talked about in that post.

One thing to keep in mind is that I have developed a close relationship with my body over time.  This closeness didn’t just happen, it has deepened over the years. I really believe in investing in a relationship, because one of the great values that I hold strongly to, is that I can make a difference in my life.

 

 

 

When I was very young I couldn’t stand pain in the body. Someone said to me, “Get used to it. That’s how life is.” I just couldn’t accept this statement, that life would throw pain to me at random and there was nothing I could do about it. It was pain avoidance that got me started in observing how my actions affected my experience of my body. I feel like my body speaks to me all the time, the thing is that I have to learn to listen to the body. This practice of listening and adjusting my behavior based on the feedback I am getting, also translates to every other area of my life, including my sitting meditation. It is a life skill!

 

So lets talk about how to start listening to the body’s signals. Today notice when you feel thirsty. What does thirsty feel like? I notice the dryness in my lips, mouth and throat. There is discomfort in my skin and internal organs but that is harder to describe and a much more subtle signal to pick up.

 

Then as I take a little sip of water at a time, I see the changes start to happen immediately as the dryness gets washed away. It’s like I can almost feel the cells in my body becoming more turgid as the water gets absorbed in the body because I feel more alert, refreshed.

 

 

Notice the feeling in the body that tells you how much to drink, that you have had enough.  As the water works its way through the body you might not notice it, but when it is time to eliminate the waste, notice what that feels like.

Now look back from the times you drank  water during the day, even if you can only remember one time when you consciously did it, to now that it has been eliminated.

 

 

What impact did this water have on you? What adjustments need to be made for a better experience? Even if I don’t feel I have the answers clearly, I might experiment by changing the temperature of the water, the quantity I drink, the quality of the water, my mood when I was drinking and any other factors I can think of that might affect the experience.

Do you see how the practice of observing the body signals can translate to other areas? Don’t you feel more aware of the power of choice, not just in drinking water but in so many other moments in life? Do you see the same conscious way of observing ourselves as we drink water, is the same way that we observe ourselves in sitting meditation? Training yourself to consciously engage is a marvelous life skill. Consciously drinking water is a fairly safe practice ground. What do you think? Have I given you a good starting point?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Diet As Spiritual Practice

 

Happy new year everyone! I often feel when I write here, that we are sitting down for a cup of tea and having a lovely chat as we catch up on what is happening in our lives. I hope you feel that closeness too.

 

 

Traditionally at the start of a new year I set resolutions. But this year I didn’t set new ones since I feel my intentions from last year are still very relevant. I’m going to continue to give a lot of focus on my physical health. The better my body feels then the easier it is to focus on spiritual growth. In fact I use the same tools of observation that I develop from my sitting meditation, the same connection with the inner and outer guides, to help me to craft a diet that works best for me.

 

I’ve been experimenting with my diet to see if I could find ways to boost my feeling of health and well-being. I’ve found that my body is not the same all the time so it’s needs change. When I go to buy my groceries I pay attention to my body so that I can get cues on the supplies I need to better support the body. Of course I’m also paying attention to the signals I feel as I look at the various grocery items. Sometimes an idea pops into my mind, something that I wouldn’t have thought of before. Another way of saying this is that I stay open to the guidance that may come to me about what I need to pick up.

 

 

Even in the preparation of the food I look for guidance and inspiration. The way I choose to prepare the food depends on what the body needs and what would make it most accessible for the body at that time. I don’t have a fixed way of preparing food. So for example sometimes I go for making smoothies, sometimes I make various raw spreads, sometimes I choose to cook my food. It all depends on the state of health of my body. Of course such a choice comes from observing the effect on my body of various forms of food preparations.

 

 

I notice that food combinations really make a difference, some vegetables go well together and some not so much. Spices also have an effect, what spices I select, their quality and when they are added to the food. Some vegetables and fruits give me more of a boost than others. I am always testing things out to see their effect.

 

For example,  sometimes I notice that I get more from eating fruits individually, as a snack in between meals, than as a fruit salad or together with other foods.

 

 

The liquids I consume changes a lot too.  These days I’ve reduced the amount of tea I drink which is a little surprising. Usually in the winter time I like the hot drinks. Instead I’m drinking more room temperature water, smaller quantities but more frequent intervals. I find this gives me a better feeling of hydration. That brings me to timing, really noticing the impact of what I drink and when I drink it. I prefer to drink between meals rather than during the meal, unless the meal is very dry. I find I digest faster and feel the lift, the energy of the food more when I do this.

 

 

I like to eat slowly since I usually love what I’m eating. So I like to savor the tastes and textures. It’s also very interesting to see how the experience of the food changes from the tip of the tongue, as it goes down the throat and the whole digestive process, all the way to elimination. Here is a marvelous video showing the process of digestion.

 

Because I eat slowly I can better feel the stomach filling up, and I can gauge the most comfortable degree of fullness for me. If I get too full, I feel stuffed up, digestion is slow and I feel sluggish and out of sorts until the stomach becomes freer. If I’m not full enough then I feel kind of hollow, a sense of incompleteness. I can feel the gas in my stomach, which bubbles up as the food is eaten. At that point I’m usually full.

 

As much as I enjoy the taste of some foods, the driving force in my choice of food is how much it enhances my feeling of health and well-being. So the whole food preparation process is an integral part of my spiritual practice. You are familiar with my quest to expand my awareness, to make more conscious choices, to gain greater insight on navigating this human experience and I approach my diet from this point of view, as very much a spiritual practice. It is in fact a marvelous and practical way to grow the experience of witness consciousness.

I wish you the best of health in 2013!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Priceless Gift For Me

Last time we talked, I was telling you about the practice of the loving look as a priceless gift. This week I’d like to share some of what I experienced with the practice.

When I was already in a loving mood, and I was with someone and all was flowing well , it was very easy to do the practice. So much so that I could easily do it  every time.

I wanted to find a way to go deeper. I found that if I consciously asked myself to delve deeper, to be more loving, to go beyond what I felt before, I became more silent inside. But this silence was … buoyant … like if I was floating on an invisible  wave.

What was very interesting is that even if I was to get into conversation with the person, that sweet underlying feeling was still there. This happened even if I was not physically with the person. In fact I could just be texting them and that beautiful connection would be there.

There were times when I found myself short-tempered and definitely unloving. Instead of beating myself up and fretting about it, whenever I realized what was happening, I just tried to become loving. I was not able to be as loving as when all was flowing smoothly, but I found the practice of coming back over and over again to a loving space to be very refreshing. No matter how many times I slipped away from that feeling, I resolved to keep the focus and attention on coming back to the space. I would say a prayer and that would start to bring me back.

I prayed for help to be in a better mood. I prayed for blessings to the space and to all in it. I prayed for those who may have slipped too, and may be in a bad mood, that together we may be uplifted.

In order to keep the practice going, I had to accept that all the time the feeling wouldn’t be the same. I told myself it’s just like a recipe, every time you make that meal, it won’t taste the same.

I noticed recently that I could do the practice with myself. Whenever I look at my reflection I tried to send a loving look. This one needs more practice. So I’ll stick with it for the time being. What would it be like to pray for myself every time I looked in the mirror? Hmm a priceless gift to myself. Want to try it with me?

Priceless Gift Giving

Are you busy shopping for Christmas gifts? Perhaps you are thinking about what gifts you want to receive. Or may be you are pre-occupied with the gifts you want to give. In the spirit of the season I thought you might like some suggestions for Christmas giving. What’s your budget like? How about some priceless gifts?

Have you ever thought about how you look? No, I don’t mean your physical appearance. I mean what you transmit through your eyes. When you look at a person, when you look at an object, when you look at a place; what kind of energy do you send out through your look? In the rush to tick off what is on your to do list what’s the ‘vibe’ around you?

As you know, I’ve been reading through my journals and I came across this little nugget. In my journal I recorded a special conversation. A friend came to me and said, “Please bless me with your look.” What a very strange request!  First of all I never thought of myself as capable of blessing another. I didn’t know where to start!

And another thing if it is possible to bless with a look, what kind of looks have I been giving all along? Well you can imagine this gave me pause on many levels.

Every gift giving starts with a loving intention, not so? Upon reflection I concluded a blessing could be a loving intention. May be my friend was asking me to radiate a loving intention through my eyes. I couldn’t be sure what was coming through my eyes so I added a brief pray. I prayed for good health for my friend, for greater spiritual awakening, for the awareness of ever-present support. It’s different looking at someone while having a pray in the mind. It’s hard to explain, try it you will see what I mean.

This was an amazing gift I got from my friend, the awareness that I could consciously use a look to uplift. It’s a gift that revealed more layers, the more I practiced it.  Naturally the prayers have changed over time with my growth and experience and awareness of the other.

I am so happy to find this little practice, to brush it off and to find myself motivated to explore it once more. As I go about my duties today, I am going to be more conscious of sending out vibrations of love through my eyes, to the people I meet, to the plants and animals in my environment, to the places I find myself in, and to the objects around me.

Will you join me in the quest to learn more about what it means to bless with a look? I’d love to hear about your discoveries. A lovely gift to our world don’t you think?

Transforming Irritants Into Pearls

 

 

I find an oyster’s response to irritation very intriguing. It forms a nucleus around the irritant and over time coats it with calcium carbonate thus protecting itself from the irritant. This process is repeated over and over again. Eventually this irritant becomes a highly valued pearl.

Can I transform irritants into pearls? I shall explore that possibility today.

 

 

 

Looking Back So That I Can Go Forward

Courtesy D. Bowslaugh

 

It’s that special time of year again. It’s getting colder, the leaves are changing colors, slowly but surely change is coming. The days are getting shorter, the light intensity is changing. This year is drawing to a close and a new year is approaching. Before I can look forward to what is to come I like to spend a little time on what was.

 

I’ve been browsing through these posts and really enjoyed the conversations we shared. I’ve also browsed through my journals and it’s made for interesting reading. I looked at my facebook history and I even did a brief run through in my “sent email” box. I didn’t spend too much time with this, just a quick run through because I didn’t want to get caught up in the details. I wanted to see big picture.

 

 

Why am I looking back so much? I’m looking for patterns, for habits. I’ve seen by this history where I’ve actually spent my time and energy. Do you find that  you can’t find the time to do what you really love? Right! That’s exactly why I did the review. I want to cut out areas where I’ve given attention but it’s not a productive use of my energy. I also wanted to discover where I could give added focus, what is interesting for me but I put on the back burner because I didn’t have the time before. My ideas are not crystal clear as yet. I give myself this time to play with different ideas.

It’s so easy to get caught up in day-to-day living that it’s hard to get that big picture perspective of how my life is going. I’m appreciating this time of year that reminds me reflect on where I’ve been and where I want to go.

 

I hope you too use this time of transition to think about where you’ve been and get a fresh perspective of where you want to go.

 

 

 

The Pause That Keeps On Giving

 

This weekend we have been pausing and waiting for Divine guidance before entering into a situation. I have made some very interesting discoveries about when I connect with that guidance and when I don’t connect.

 

I notice that if in that pause I have already come to some conclusion about what is happening, then the result is that I have shut myself off from any kind of guidance. I feel contracted, confused, messed up. The trick is to train myself to open up to more, whenever I notice these types of negative feelings.

 

I begin the opening process by telling myself there are many possible interpretations of the signals that I’m picking up. As I try to observe more and hold off on drawing conclusions I start to come into a better frame of mind. I start to feel a change inside myself. I see the challenge the incident is presenting me but somehow there is a little space that allows more uplifting feelings to seep in. Then the guidance comes in how to act.

I need to practice pausing more before I enter into situations, I’m becoming very interested in this practice because it is improving my relationships. I’m not getting so cranky . How is it going for you?